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We have spent the prior part of this lesson learning about how to handle our own anger. This part of the lesson deals with how we should respond to others who are angry. These guidelines are helpful whether the angry person in question is our child, mate, business associate or friend.
Remain Calm. Show a Caring and Concerned attitude toward the other person. Remain Committed to serving, and Confident in your ability to help. Since the other person is out of control, your being calm and Controlled will give the other person stability and strength.
Listen to the other person. Ask the angry person who did what, when, where and how, but never ask an angry person why he did something. This will only push him into a defensive position, and he may stop trying to communicate with you. When you Listen, do so not only with your ears but also with your eyes and your heart.
Agree. We may not be able to agree with many of the things that an angry person is saying. Don't respond to those things; just ignore them for the time being. But if the angry person says something that you can agree with, Agree with him/her strongly.
Give absolutely no Solutions. If you try to tell angry people what they should or ought to do, you may stop them from trying to communicate with you. They may storm off saying, "You just don't understand." The angry person is not ready to receive any solutions. Angry people are not in a receiving mode but a giving mode, and what they want to give you is their anger. Just continue to listen at this point.
After the person has calmed down, reluctantly give your one best Suggestion (not solution) and then immediately take it back. Say, "I have an idea, but I don't know if it will work in your case. No, on second thought, you probably wouldn't want to do it." If the person doesn't encourage you, do not share it. Perhaps he will come back to you later. If the person does ask, watch his/her eyes while you are talking. If you see indications of disagreement, back off. Later the person may come back to you for information after having time to think -or may think of some solution from spring-boarding off your suggestion.
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