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3. Handling Anger

Rules for Confrontations: Be One Who FACES Problems Productively

In preparing to engage in an honest confrontation, keep these points in mind so that you can be one who effectively and productively FACES problems with others.

Focus on Feelings not on Faults. Stick to the Facts.
Say, for example, "When you don't listen to me, it makes me feel unimportant to you," not "You never listen; you are the most selfish person I know." Also, stick to the Facts of the present problem. Don't bring up past offenses or every bad habit the person has.

Allow the other person to respond.
Don't just talk, but be prepared to listen.

Compliment before Criticizing. Be Concerned and work toward a Compromise. Concentrate on the other person. Communicate understanding.
Share critical comments about the other person gently and in the same breath as positive qualities. This helps people listen to criticism without becoming defensive. Since you have practiced being slow to anger, you can take the focus off of yourself and Concentrate on the other person. This will make you more open to working toward a Compromise. Give up the idea that someone will "win" and someone will "lose." Communicate that you understand the other person's point of view.

Express your feelings in private. Never Exaggerate the offense or make threats about ending the relationship. Most problems are not that serious.

Work toward a Solution.
Do not keep on and on airing offenses, but make this time of confrontation efficient and productive. Concentrate on working toward a Solution.

Next Article: Handling Angry People with CLASS!

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